Being an Intentional Mom: The Delicate Dance of Motherhood

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Sometimes this can be so hard.  This parenting thing.  In the early years the physical demands are high – the sleepless nights, the meals, the endless clean up, the constant supervision when even a one minute trip to the bathroom can seem like a well deserved vacation.

The early years give way to the kid years when the demands on our time changes to some extent, but the reward begins to come, too.  As our children gain a little bit of independence, we do also, and we feel as though we are finding our own way a bit more – finding our own way on our own path along this journey called motherhood. These years are no less demanding, but they also provide the first glimpse into what we may one day reap as we have been busy sowing the seeds we long to have take root in our children.

The kid years give way to the tween years.  The tween years.  Changing bodies, changing hormones, increasing demands on both our children and on us, and it is only the beginning of yet another chapter in what I call the delicate dance of motherhood. 

Not to be forgotten are the teen years when the stakes get higher and our finger needs to be tightly on the pulse of our children, yet from a safe distance that gets increasingly further and further away.

They say an important part of being a parent is giving our children both roots and wings, but I have found this to be so much easier said than done.  However, the theory is a good one.  Having to balance being a mom who is called to protect our children while also being a supporter, an encourager, and a silent observer as our children embark on their own journey.  This concept is what I mean when I refer to the delicate dance of motherhood.

Sometimes it is so hard to know when to charge in and rescue, and when to just be still as there really are appropriate times to do each.  This is especially hard when we must bear witness to our children making a decision that we know will not be a good one, but it is one that needs to be made in order to grow, to learn, to change, to sprout wings.

Equally hard are the times when our children are being mistreated, and we have a front row seat.  Abuse aside, of course, as this is always a mother’s job to eradicate, but just mistreatment, misjudgment, and missteps taken at the expense of our children that weave their way into existence – sometimes on more than one occasion.  I am a firm believer in the notion that our children need to learn to stand up, to speak up, and to act in their own best interest since they have an entire lifetime ahead of them when these are necessary skills.  These skills are so much better learned during the formative years when we as moms are there to gently nudge, to prompt, and to catch the tears that so often fall.

But when we again begin to hear the first faint strains of the familiar music in this overture of motherhood, sometimes we need to put on our dancing shoes and take a more active role in the delicate dance of motherhood.  Sometimes our children need us to defend them, to come alongside them when they feel weak, or to throw the winning punch that turns the tide on a match they just can’t lose at this point in their journey.  We as mothers are required to recognize when to do what, and although we won’t always get it right, our children see us trying, they see our tears as they mix with theirs, and they know that when needed, we will fight to the death for them.

If you have older children as I do, you know how these years fly by at a dizzying pace that can only be described as being on a merry-go-round much, much too long.  That swirling feeling in your head and that ache in the pit of your stomach – these are part of the dance of motherhood, too.  These things are what also make us stronger as moms.

I want to encourage you to hold fast to the heartbeat of your child.  The more in tune you are with who they are and the journey they are taking, the better you will know what role you play in everything they face.  But I can also say that it is never, never easy, and there will be times you do one thing, only to find you wish you had done the other.  Yet tomorrow always brings a new dawn.  A new opportunity for our children, but more importantly for us as moms to master yet another series of steps in this very difficult yet rewarding dance.