Why Life Feels So Tangled (And It’s Not What You Think)
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Have you ever looked around your life and thought, “Why can’t I just get it together?” You’re trying so hard, showing up every day, juggling a million things—but somehow, it never feels like enough. You might feel like you’re dropping balls, losing momentum, or just generally stuck. And beneath it all, there’s a constant hum of guilt and second-guessing.
Friend, let me say this clearly: you are not broken. You are not lazy. But something is draining you—and it’s not what you think.
Let’s untangle it together.
The Real Reason You’re Tired (Spoiler: It’s Not Your To-Do List)
We’ve been conditioned to believe that overwhelm means we’re doing too much. So, naturally, we try to do less. We chase systems, routines, and productivity hacks hoping they will finally give us relief. And for a little while, they might. But then life happens. Routines break. Motivation fades. And we start over. Again.
What if the real issue isn’t the doing—but the deciding?
Let me introduce a sentence that could shift everything for you:
Undecidedness drains more energy than effort.
Yes, the mental load of carrying unmade decisions is what’s silently exhausting you.
Think of your brain like a computer with a hundred tabs open. Each one represents an open decision:
- Should I stay in this job or find another?
- Do I speak up or stay silent?
- Should I start that thing or let it go?
- Do I push through or ask for help?
Each of these tabs eats up memory and power. And the longer they stay open, the more drained you feel—even if you haven’t taken action on any of them.
Why Open Loops Make Life Feel So Tangled
In coaching, we call these “open loops.” They’re the mental negotiations we keep having with ourselves that never get resolved.
You might be:
- Replaying conversations in your mind
- Postponing decisions because you’re afraid of choosing wrong
- Trying to make everyone happy (while ignoring your own needs)
When you leave everything open for reconsideration, nothing ever feels settled. You’re not just living your life. You’re holding it—constantly managing every possible outcome in your head.
That’s why you feel so tangled. Because your brain never gets to rest.
A Personal Story: The Corner I Kept Crashing Into
Years ago, I kept crashing into the same icy corner on my way home. Three times. Every time I told myself, next time I’ll slow down. And every time, I didn’t.
It wasn’t until I finally decided—I’m slowing down at that corner, every single time–that the crashes stopped. That’s a closed loop. No more negotiation. No more draining thoughts. Just peace.
Many of us are living like that. We keep “crashing” into the same situations because we refuse to make the call. We think maybe this time it’ll be different. Maybe this time we can manage better. But without a decision, the cycle repeats.
The Cost of Mental Multitasking
When everything is still on the table:
- You can’t rest, because you feel like something is always unfinished.
- You can’t focus, because your brain is trying to resolve 17 things at once.
- You feel behind, even when you’re working hard.
This isn’t just emotional fatigue. It’s nervous system exhaustion. It’s not that you’re weak. It’s that your brain is trying to process an unsustainable volume of open questions.
Why Productivity Hacks Don’t Work Anymore
You’ve tried the planners. The apps. The color-coded systems. They help for a moment, but they can’t close loops for you. They are structure on top of open decisions. And when life disrupts that structure (because it always does), the whole thing falls apart.
Motivation fades quickly when you’re mentally overwhelmed.
Motivation doesn’t fix mental clutter.
Decisions do.
What Closing a Loop Actually Feels Like
A closed loop is not necessarily final. It just has to be decided.
Examples:
- I’m staying in this job for six more months, then I’ll reassess.
- I’m not doing that project right now.
- This friendship is off my plate for now.
- This is what I’m choosing—even if it’s not perfect.
Closed loops free up mental space. They return clarity, energy, and relief.
A client of mine once spent eight months agonizing over a career decision. The moment she made a plan—not even a permanent one, just a decision for now–everything changed. She could sleep again. Focus again. Breathe again. Not because the job changed. But because the negotiation stopped.
Where to Start: One Decision at a Time
I don’t want you to read this and think, Now I have to close ALL my loops! That’s another open loop in disguise.
Start with one.
Ask yourself:
What’s one thing I’ve been mentally negotiating with myself about that I could decide today?
Then decide. Even just for now. Even imperfectly.
That single decision could give you back hours of energy you didn’t even know you were leaking.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Carrying Too Much Unfinished Business.
The reason life feels so tangled isn’t because you need more motivation.
It’s not because you’re failing.
It’s because you’re holding too many unresolved questions.
Start closing them.
One by one.
With intention.
With compassion.
With the clarity that you can always reassess.
But you don’t have to carry the question forever.
Download the Companion Guide
If this resonated with you, I’ve created a free guide called “Why Life Feels So Tangled” that walks through:
- The real cost of undecidedness
- How open loops quietly steal your energy
- Simple ways to start reclaiming clarity today
You can grab it HERE.
Friend, you don’t need to try harder.
You just need to decide.
And that, right there, is where relief begins.
