Dealing With External Pressure in Your Homeschool

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Homeschooling can be a demanding, grueling, and difficult journey, especially when you face external pressure and criticism as a result. This criticism and pressure is something that truly is fairly common among homeschoolers, so if you find yourself facing these things by well meaning family members, friends, or those within your community, you can find some reassurance in knowing that you are not alone.

This pressure and criticism can happen in various forms, and none of them are all that welcome in most cases.

Although facing these pressures and criticisms and those who bring these things into our lives isn’t easy, they don’t have to be a source of conflict, either.

When these things happen in my life, I find it helpful to face these criticisms and pressures while keeping these eight key concepts in mind. Maybe you will find time helpful in dealing with external pressure in your homeschool, too.

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1. Know that times of external pressures and criticism will come

When you do, these things don’t catch you off guard, making you feel defensive. When you know that these times will be coming, you can face them head on, ready to respond with both respect and love. Anytime we are prepared for something difficult, this preparedness almost acts as a small shield that protects us from the full brunt of an attack. Expecting criticism and pressure makes both criticism and pressure easier to handle.

2. Be secure in your why

I spoke of your why in So You’re Thinking About Homeschooling, Now What? If you’ve not read that, this would be a really great time to do so. Your why is your reason, your passion, and your dream behind your desire to homeschool. Being secure in your why means that you will more effectively be able to discuss homeschooling in a respectful and gentle way. Being secure in your why eliminates you feeling as though you are defending yourself and your decision to homeschool. Your decision to homeschool is a personal decision, and keeping your why in the forefront of your mind will help keep the focus there.

3. Develop a thick skin

You may wonder why you should have to develop a thick skin and while in theory, you are right, the reality is that the judgment of others can be brutal at times. Having a thick skin in place simply means that you will be affected by the hurtful words of others less. Again, I wish I could say that harsh words and judgement won’t come your way in regards to your homeschooling, but this is simply a reality for most homeschoolers. As a homeschooling mom of more than ten years, I can say that a thick skin really does come in handy.

4. Gather a support system

A support system can come from a local homeschooling group, a homeschooling group at church or within a neighborhood setting, or it can even come in the form of an online support group or community on Facebook.

Your support system will be there to share wisdom and knowledge, offer guidance if needed, share their expertise, and to simply offer support and encouragement when the road gets hard. Having a support system that you interact with regularly is huge in the life of a homeschooling family. This is also an amazing resource for your kids to look to for encouragement and even the formation of friendships. I have found the various support systems I have in place in my homeschooling life to be vitally important.

5. Don’t feel the need to over-defend

When the words, judgements, and criticisms come, don’t feel the need to prove your case to anyone else. When you are secure in your own decision to homeschool and therefore secure in your why, you can easily explain your heart for homeschooling in 100 words or less. Well, maybe that’s a bit extreme, but a coping mechanism of being human is the tendency to over talk when we are feeling defensive.

It will be to your benefit to be clear, concise, and convicted in the things you are saying when you are speaking about your calling to homeschool. There are times when someone is just being critical, and in those times, it doesn’t matter what you say because they aren’t going to hear you anyway. The important thing to remember is to not babble on and on in these situations. Less truly is more here. Are you wondering about our calling to homeschool? You can read about it in The Calling of Homeschooling.

6. Invite anyone who doubts or questions to come for a visit

Sometimes the best way to overcome pressure and criticism is to let the ones criticizing and putting on the pressure to see what life is like firsthand. Sometimes people hear homeschooling and assume that we all just sit around in our pjs watching tv all day. While there are times that we take days off and do this sort of thing, most times our homeschool day is packed full and something that I have no problem sharing with others. In many things in life, giving the naysayers the opportunity to put those rotten assumptions to rest is the best thing we can do. Invite these types in to the wonder of your school day.

7. Don’t interpret innocent conversation as criticism

I will admit that because I am often criticized for homeschooling or for having a gaggle of children, I will often read negativity into conversations where it doesn’t belong. I think this is something that is easily done, but that doesn’t mean that it is a healthy thing to do. Sometimes, conversation that is innocent can come off to us as someone being critical. For this reason, before you assume that someone is being critical of anything regarding your homeschooling, pause, take a deep breath, and give it a moment or two before responding. Often that pause will help us clarify what is actually happening in the moment.

8. Be kind

This means recognizing their concern, assuring them that you’ve not taken it lightly, and then letting them know that you’re doing a fine job in your homeschooling adventure. Remember that it is most likely out of love and concern that someone is questioning you rather than feeling as though their objective is purely harmful. To those who have no idea what this homeschooling thing is all about, it really can be a mystery. Being kind, calm, and reassuring while making them feel understood in their concern is a very good thing.

No one likes to be criticized or judged in anything, especially if it is something that we feel strongly about, and this is certainly true when it comes to homeschooling. At the same time, everyone likes to feel heard, validated, and understood, and that is where you and I come into play in feeling pressure from others regarding our homeschooling choices. We need to make sure that our response is the correct one regardless of how the message of judgement, criticism, or pressure was delivered to us.

The next time you find yourself dealing with external pressure in your homeschooling, keep these eight concepts in mind. Then, act on them!

Be sure to read about the internal pressures of homeschool too…the pressure we all put on ourselves!