Dealing With the Unrealistic Expectations of Others~Inspirational Reads Chapter 13
The Intentional Mom Planning System is where you need to start with our incredible collection of product options. It will help you establish the basics for your life & home so you’ll finally have a plan, save yourself time, and go to bed feeling like you accomplished something every day (because you did). Save up to 60% HERE!
I’m not sure that dealing with unrealistic expectations is ever easy, but I think it is something that we can get better at over time and by following some simple steps. Before we get to those steps, let’s lay a bit of the groundwork first.
Learning to say no whether to ourselves or to others is a learned yet very important skill. Just as we shouldn’t hesitate or neglect saying no because we are worried about how the other person will react, we also shouldn’t avoid giving a well thought out no to someone because we are worried about whether they will still like us.
I think sometimes when this is our fear, we also tend to defend ourselves and our decision more than we should have to. It is as though verbally spewing at the mouth will somehow make the no a bit easier for the other person to receive.
Why is this a bad thing?
I feel this is a bad thing because we spend a ton of time, energy, and emotional stress in going over and over the answer we want to give when a simple one sentence reason will do.
(this post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you)
Just as the author points out in The Best Yes, some people are just impossible to please.
Do you have any people in your life like this? I know I do. It generally isn’t very hard to figure these people out. Does that always keep us from trying to please them anyway? Not always, but that is what we are working through in chapter 13 of The Best Yes. Also, Lysa points out, we will run ourselves ragged trying, only to end up in the same place…that other person is displeased with us and will usually make it very plain that this is how they feel.
Furthermore, Lysa goes on to speak of how our yes will eventually displease this person, too. I’m sure you’ve had that happen to you before just as I have.
This is also where knowing your boundaries comes into play. If someone isn’t going to accept a gracious no or be satisfied with your yes, the problem is theirs, not yours or mine. If we allow their displeasure with us whether it comes as a result of a no or a yes answer to affect us, we then become part of our own problem, too.
So, what do we call these sorts of people? We call them unrealistic, which makes their expectations unrealistic, too.
While it would be nice to avoid these types of people altogether, that is not always possible. Sometimes these people are our spouse, our family member, or someone within our work environment. When this is the case, what are we to do?
Here are the steps I find helpful in dealing with unrealistic expectations.
- Recognize these people. When you recognize these people ahead of time you can…
- Expect their unrealistic expectations. When you expect them, you can’t really be hurt or bothered by them nearly as much.
- Protect yourself from their unrealistic expectations. This means simply not taking them to heart. Not always simple to do, but if you work on it you can get pretty good at it.
- Always be respectful and gracious. You can’t ever go wrong by treating someone the way you want to be treated. Who knows, it might rub off!
- Move on. Don’t dwell on their unmet expectations. Remember their expectations are unrealistic, which means that is their problem, not yours.
- Surround yourself with people who are the opposite. When you have a toxic person in your life, it always helps to surround yourself with as many of the people who fill your soul and spirit as you can.
It is never a nice feeling to know that someone doesn’t like us or is very unhappy with us. But in the case of dealing with unrealistic people and unrealistic expectations, there are some things we can do to protect ourselves. It’s just a matter of knowing what those things are.
The thoughts shared in this post were inspired by a chapter in The Best Yes. This is a book that were are reading together as a community beginning February 22nd, 2016. We are reading just three chapters a week in this book.
Even if you are not reading along with us this time, you can still pick up your own copy and gain the wisdom you need in making wise decisions in the midst of endless demands.
The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands
Here is a bit more about our book club…
This book club is a way of encouraging others to carve out the time to read at a pace of just three chapters a week because I’ve learned that finding time to read never just happens on its own.
Every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday there will be blog posts here with Monday’s Inspirational Reads somewhere in the title with my reaction to each of the three chapters for the week, and then on Thursday evening at 9 pm EST we will be on Periscope discussing the chapters in an interactive format. You can find everything you need to know about Periscope by reading The Periscope Lowdown.
All you have to do is grab your book above, and you’re good to go! We’d love to have you join it, otherwise, grab your own copy and read any of the posts with Monday’s Inspirational Reads in the title and you can join in on your own time!
