A Realistic Action Plan for the Mom Who Has No Role Model in Being a Mom

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Do you find yourself lacking direction as a mother? Maybe you didn’t have a mother in your life, maybe your mother had issues that left her unable to mother you or train you in even the most basic of skills. Maybe you, for whatever reason, have decided that you are just going to do things the exact opposite as your mother did and are left feeling like you are on a journey in the woods with no map. Maybe you not only feel lost, maybe you also feel angry because the “die to self” attitude that is part of being a mom has caught you completely off guard since you were never aware that this was part of the deal due to your own lack of parenting.

Let me offer you some relief today. Let me give you some hope. Let me help you find the peace you crave so you can be the mom you so want to be.

• Don’t live in the past. If you had no role model I cannot imagine all the reasons as to why, but I can imagine that it is most likely not under good circumstances that you were not mothered in the way you want to mother your own children. Look to the future, and bravely walk forward to the life you will create with your own children.
• Learn from others. Find wise women to model yourself after. Ideally, you will be able to find a real person to meet this need. If you have no idea who to ask, spend some time praying about it. Pray that God would lead you to just the right person. Keep your eyes open to the older women you already have in your life to see if they could fill this role. For example, in my own life I have casual relationships with a handful of older ladies at the gym, and by older I mean between 75 and 85. We talk some about our personal lives, but we also just talk about politics, religion, or anything else that might be going on in the world. If I were looking for a role model, I could start looking at any one of these women through a different lens to see if they might serve as a good role model. This is what I mean about keeping your eyes open to someone you already have in your life – I haven’t ever thought of them this way before. You may find the perfect role model in this way, too.
• Develop a plan. Set some goals (write them down), create a mission statement, use words to describe the mom you want to be. If you haven’t had a person to model yourself after, you need to create one similarly to creating a target to shoot for. You may have all kinds of ideas, traits, and things you’d like to implement with your kids, but pulling all of these things together to create a cohesive puzzle in which all the pieces fit together to form one overall picture is the goal.
• Create a structure for your day. Lists, routines, some organization, and an overall game plan give both you and your kids a sense of normalcy. All this needs to be kept in balance. I wrote all about that here. No need to repeat myself. Then come back and finish reading these concepts.
• Just as I spoke of before, accept your own limitations. I think you may even need to extend yourself a bit more grace in this area since you most likely feel like you were behind as a mom from the first moment that you became a mom. It’s ok, we all have limitations. Just be reasonable about where you’ve been and how that will affect where you are going.
• Celebrate your accomplishments. Anytime you do something that reflects the plan you made in the step above, celebrate it. You don’t have to do anything extravagant, maybe it’s just giving yourself permission to read an extra chapter in a book or to take the evening off to watch a movie with your kids, but acknowledge and reward your hard work in some way.

I know how overwhelming motherhood is general, and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel if you lack direction. This entire series contains topics that are a concern to the young moms I know while the advice given is from the seasoned moms I know, so you can be assured that if you find yourself without having had a role model you are not alone in that. We have all felt these same things. This series and a variety of other posts here are full of practical advice and tips that all moms can relate to. Find things here that speak to you, that seem doable to you, and that inspire you to try something a bit different. Read books, talk to other moms, and observe the moms you admire. You can do it!

 

 

You can find hope in the first post in the series, What in the World Have I Gotten Myself Into?! here

You can find An Action Plan for the Overwhelmed Mom here

You can find An Action Plan for the Mom Who is Stuck at Home here

You can find An Action Plan for Connecting With Other Moms here

You can find A Realistic Action Plan for Dealing With the Never-Ending Responsibilities of a Mom here

You can find A Realistic Action Plan for Getting It All Done as a Stay at Home Mom here.

You can find A Realistic Action Plan for Getting It All Done as a Working Mom here.

You can find A Realistic Action Plan for the Mom Who is Afraid She is Doing it All Wrong here.

You can find A Realistic Action Plan for the Mom Who Worries That It’s Too Late here

Come back for tomorrow’s post that will address A Realistic Action Plan for the Mom Who Misses Her Freedoms