Dealing With Difficult People

The Intentional Mom Planning System is where you need to start with our incredible collection of product options. It will help you establish the basics for your life & home so you’ll finally have a plan, save yourself time, and go to bed feeling like you accomplished something every day (because you did). Save up to 60% HERE!

Difficult people. Let’s face it, we all have to deal with difficult people at one time or another. They can be people we live with, people we work with, parents of our children’s friends, neighbors, the spouse of a friend, or extended family members among more.

In reality, part of living in the world simply means that there will be people who are just plain difficult that we have to be in contact with – even on a regular or daily basis.

While we can do nothing to control anything about the difficult people we know, what we can control is how we react or respond to these difficult people. We can choose to interact with these people in a gracious and loving manner, even if they treat us much, much worse.

At the end of the day, the only person that we have to answer for is us, and if you are a Christian as I am, you know that one day you will be held accountable for the things you do -dealing with difficult people included.

I have had my fair share of dealing with difficult people, and the following 10 steps are things that I’ve learned in doing so.

1. Decide if a confrontation or an argument is worth it

Oftentimes, I find that it is not. Difficult people can be angry, lacking in self-esteem, or even being mistreated by others themselves in addition to countless other reasons behind the behavior that we see as difficult. Each time, carefully weigh whether to approach a difficult person in a way that could cause a negative reaction on their part.

2. Be overly kind and considerate

Again, keep in mind that difficult people are often hurting. When you frame things from this vantage point, it automatically gives you a softer heart toward them. If you do approach them, be certain to be overly kind. Wouldn’t it be great to be the one person who actually treats this specific person in love? You may be the one who can really bless a difficult and hurting person.

3. Choose to be the bigger person

You may be right in your feelings, your assessments, and your interpretation of events, but when dealing with difficult people, it will be to your benefit to be the bigger person. This may mean walking away when they want you to engage, this may mean turning the other cheek when you’ve been wronged, and this may mean doing something positive when you in no way should have to. This is where you also want to keep in mind that you are called to be accountable for your behavior. Being the bigger person is always a great step.

4. Be understanding

So often difficult people are just misunderstood. Are they completely innocent  in things? Maybe not, but if they are known for being difficult, there are always those who are going to prejudge and misunderstand them solely based on their reputation. You choose to be understanding when it comes to difficult people.

5. Say less, not more

When we face difficult people, we often feel the need to over explain ourselves. We can feel defensive, and we may want to do everything in our power to convince this person to see and validate our point of view. We can tend to do this by saying way too much. It is usually beneficial to choose our words wisely and to choose fewer words than we may instinctively want to use.

6. Admit wrongdoing

Yes, there may be times that you have done something wrong. It is always right to admit wrongdoing, but when you admit wrongdoing to a difficult person, it can go a long, long way. In reality, I am not perfect and you are not perfect. For this reason, there will be plenty of times that you share some of the responsibility in a conflict. When you discover that you’ve messed up, admit it and apologize.

7. Don’t raise your voice

Just as when we are interacting with our kids, raising your voice only makes you appear out of control. Furthermore, the person you are communicating with probably hears you even less. Raising your voice most often brings about the opposite of the very thing you are trying to accomplish. Speak in a calm way, and you will get much further.

8. Let it go. I am so sorry if you are now singing Frozen songs in your head (I am, too), but it is such good advice

Do not harbor hurt, resentment, or disrespect. Letting go of wrongs, both big and small, is just part of letting it go.

9. Extend forgiveness

You’ve heard of extending the olive branch, right? This is what you are doing when you’re extending forgiveness. Both you and I can hang on to forgiving someone because we somehow feel that forgiving someone means we are giving them control. Interestingly, it is your hanging on to negative emotions like anger and resentment that is actually controlling you.

10. Establish healthy boundaries

When dealing with difficult people, it is essential that you create and maintain healthy boundaries. Having boundaries is not in any way being mean or disrespectful, but it is something that protects both you and the other person. Creating boundaries is not always easy, but it is a skill that we must all learn. These boundaries will protect you when you have to deal with a difficult person, especially when you are seeing them on a regular basis. If you have not read this book, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, it is an AMAZING book on how to create healthy boundaries. They also make a version for marriage,Boundaries in Marriage, and one for kids, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives, all are excellent.

When dealing with difficult people, it is so helpful to have a few tips and tricks in place. The next time you face this situation, try putting these 10 tips into place. Difficult people may continue to be in our lives, but they will not be able to get to us when we treat them with understanding and respect.

You may also enjoy reading 5 Steps to Effective Confrontation.