How to Be a Mom When You Don’t Like Your Kids
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I think if any mom were being honest, she would say that there are times that it is so hard to be a mom – especially if you don’t like your kids very much in that moment. Kids quickly figure out how to push our buttons, which they then use against us at the most inopportune times. Somehow, our kids know how to kick us when we’re down, don’t they?
The truth is, that we don’t always have to like our kids. In fact, there will be plenty of times when we shouldn’t like our kids, but we are certainly called to love our kids no matter what. However, this is easier said than done at times. If you have a teen girl who is all aflutter with a myriad of emotions as I do, your patience may be tried nearly every day.
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Toddlers and teens. I think they may both be equally challenging because with two teens and a tween, I can speak from experience.
Did I also mention that I have two toddlers and a preschooler and one in between these two age groups? For those of you who are keeping count, that’s a total of seven kids in my house. And yes, we homeschool, so they are truly in my house much of the time.
Since I am sure we all agree that there are plenty of times that our kids are less than likable, let’s talk about how we can love them even when we don’t like them. When you find yourself going down for the count as a mom, try implementing these ideas to bring yourself back to a sense of homeostasis.
Here’s how to be a mom when you don’t like your kids!
Pray
Just keep it short and sweet. Pray for strength, pray for a calm heart and a quiet spirit, and pray for the grace you need to keep loving the kid or kids who are pushing you to your limits.
Fake it till you make it
Never let them see you sweat. Remain as cool as s cucumber. These are probably all things you’ve heard before, but they are sayings that can certainly apply to our jobs as moms. If your kids are anything like mine, knowing you are on the brink of a breakdown is a license to keep testing you until you break. Just take a deep breath, smile, and bear down for another few moments until you can get yourself into a time out.
Keep your mouth shut
I know, you want to open it, but trust me, it most likely won’t be pretty. For this reason, just keep it shut. Letting that lava spew all over the place might feel good in that moment, but soon after those harsh, sarcastic, or spiteful words are spoken they will leave the most bitter aftertaste in your mouth that you can even imagine. It’s just not worth it. So don’t say it.
Get your kids involved in something safe and entertaining for a few minutes and take that mommy timeout
Remember how I have talked of setting up a pretty place? This is where you need to go, and if you haven’t established one yet, the bathroom may be the safest place.
Realize that oftentimes the things that are driving us nuts about our kids are often things that are really about us as moms
Examine this thought while in your timeout. Is your child refusing to conform to your way of doing something simply because they are different from you? Is your fuse shorter than normal because you haven’t gotten enough sleep? Are you what I like to call “hangry?” Are you really angry at a spouse or a friend but are forcing your kids to pay the price? Examine what is in your heart.
Next, remember that you can try as hard as you can, but you cannot make your kids do anything
I think it is so funny when people who don’t have kids make statements such as, “Just make them.” If you’ve been a parent trying to get a newborn to get onto a schedule, you may have already learned that you can’t make your kid do anything! You can control the circumstances around them, you can make things difficult for them to attempt to steer them into making the right choice, but the fact remains that you can’t make your kids do a darn thing. Now, when you are finding it hard to like your kids, you need to remember this. Then, you will be reminded that fighting for control is nothing but a fight.
Realize that the only person you can control is you – and then do that
You can control your reaction, you can control your response, and you can even control your emotions. Choose to move forward in this moment and choose to love your kids.
Plan a fun activity that brings everyone back together for when you come out of your timeout
It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, but just plan something to do all together as a group.
Have another quick prayer thanking God for your children – every single one of them by name
Then, take a deep breath and prepare for the next step.
Emerge from your timeout with a smile on your face
Even if you aren’t quite there yet, when you choose a smile it usually doesn’t take long for the emotion to follow.
If you are a mom who finds yourself not liking your kids at times, I think you would find yourself in good company. Being a mom has long hours, little to no pay, and sometimes the seasons are long with little to no visible reward. I once said that at times the greatest gift we can give our kids is the willingness to get up tomorrow and do it all over again. I still firmly believe this to be true.
When your life as a mom gets the best of you, walk through these steps and find the strength you need to just keep going.
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