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Is Your Home Child Centered? Inspirational Reads Chapter 4

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I think most, if not all parents, want to be good parents, don’t we? We all want to be there for our kids, to provide our kids with what they need physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and we want to train them to be adults who are responsible and able to care for themselves and their families as well as those around them as much as possible.

I think it can be easy to take this to the extreme, however, if we are not careful.

From the moment we discover that we will become parents we are thrilled in most cases, and we set about planning everything about our child’s life and how we will be as a parent.

Then they arrive and if you’ve ever lived with a newborn, you know that this task can be all-consuming. They are 100% dependent on the ones who are caring for them, which in most cases means their parents.

The years tick by and their dependency on you lessens some, and then they become teens and it starts all over again 🙂

You may add multiple kids into the equation – you can even add eight kids into the equation as I’ve done over the past 15 years – and if you’re not careful something very bad can happen.

You can completely lose your marriage…and you can completely lose yourself.

How does this happen?

I believe it happens slowly over time, which is why we often don’t notice. I think if we noticed, most of us would do something about it almost right away. But because of the little bits that our kids take over while we selflessly sacrifice ourselves in an unhealthy way, we lose ourselves without noticing.

How does this happen?

This happens when our homes are focused on our kids in an unhealthy way. This happens when we allow life to happen in a child centered home.

The key is knowing if your home is child centered because it can be so easily missed.

Do I have you wondering?

Here’s eight things that could mean you have a child centered home.

child centered

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The first four things are things that involve your kids:

They can’t entertain themselves

If you have kids who struggle to entertain themselves, it could be because your home has been child centered. They are used to looking to you to be their cruise director rather than having to come up with things to do on their own. Creative play is a great skill for kids to have, and this often comes about when kids are left having to entertain themselves on a regular basis.

They have a poor work ethic

If your kids are accustomed to having you do many of the things that they could very well do for themselves as they get older they will most likely develop a poor work ethic. That’s not to say that all kids who have a poor work ethic are from a child centered home or vice versa, but if you see a poor work ethic in your child you could certainly look for other symptoms of this problem.

They complain much more often than they display gratitude

Kids who live in a child centered home have a hard time feeling thankful. This happens because they are used to having things their way. When kids are used to having things their own way, they become harder and harder to please, which will yield a lot of complaining. They get a warped sense of what they do and don’t deserve.

They need bigger and better

As I mentioned in the previous point, kids from a child centered home need more and more, bigger and better to feel content. Accustomed to being appeased, it will simply take more. It’s okay for your kids to not have the latest and the greatest. Resist the urge to provide them with this.

Next, let’s focus on some things you will notice about yourself if your home is child centered:

You don’t pursue any of your own interests

This one is quite basic and most likely something that you would have guessed, but it is the classic symptom. As moms we are often required to make sacrifices, but that can also be taken too far if that is all we do as parents.

Privacy? What’s that?

Privacy is good and necessary. There is nothing wrong with demanding privacy from your kids at times, and to avoid doing this actually does everyone a disservice. My kids know that if my bedroom door is closed – ever – they better knock rather than barge in. Privacy is needed for kids to understand that other people have value and deserve respect. A lack of privacy is a lack of boundaries, which leads to a child centered home when it comes to our kids.

Child-focused conversation

When around others, you seem unable to talk about anything other than your kids. This is especially dangerous for a husband and wife. When my husband and I go out on dates, we have a firm “no talking about the kids’” rule. Sometimes it can be hard, but if you really struggle to talk about other things, look into the focus of your home.

You don’t take time for yourself on a daily basis

It doesn’t have to be much time, but you must take some time for yourself every day to avoid a child centered home. Don’t feel guilty, it is necessary, especially when it comes to avoiding a home that is complete child centered.

This post is reflection of the book we are reading as a book club community. This is the book we are reading.

Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World

Here is a bit more about our book club…

inspirational reads

This book club is a way of encouraging others to carve out the time to read at a pace of just two chapters a week because I’ve learned that finding time to read never just happens on its own.

Generally, every Monday and Thursday there will be blog posts here with Monday’s Inspirational Reads somewhere in the title with my reaction to each of the two chapters for the week.

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2 Comments

  1. Good thoughts, however how ro rectify it is not mentioned. Is it in another future chapter?

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