10 Qualities of a Friend Who Can Lift You Up When You Feel Weak – Inspirational Reads Chapter 17

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You know those times in life when you just can’t seem to even get up before you’re kicked right back down again? These are the times when the wind gets sucked right out from you, leaving you completely unable to get even the smallest whisper of a breath. These are the times when, if you are like me, you are not able to stand on your own.

I have written of the beauty of a network of friends, and this truly is a beautiful concept. At those times when life comes in and leaves us scrambling, reeling to make a decision, trying to find a way through, or to face the same struggle again, we need to cling to the strength, the wisdom, and the empathy of a friend.

I love how in chapter 17 of The Best Yes the author says this:

“In those moments when we feel swept away in a current of fast-moving feelings, we need to pause. Wait. Let someone else be there as a voice of clarity.”

Isn’t that such a great piece of wisdom? Clarity is the one thing that I know I lack during times of great stress. However, just like when choosing an accountability partner, not all friends are created equal. I find there to be certain qualities that we should look for in the sort of friend we seek out for wisdom and strength during these unwelcome times.

Here are the 10 qualities to look for in the friend who will best meet your specific needs:


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Choose someone who shares the same or very similar religious beliefs

Because I am a Christian, I would want the advice and guidance of someone who was also a Christian. As Christians, the decisions that we make coincide with the wisdom and commandments that are in the Bible. Whether you are a Christian or affiliated with a different religion, the friend you reach out to should be of the same religious affiliation.

Choose someone who shares the same or very similar values

As in the case of religion, if you are looking for someone to make a decision that will be in your best interest, you will need to share similar values.

Choose someone who you see has produced the fruits in her life that you’d like to see in yours

Nothing better showcases a bit about how someone lives than the fruits they produce do. If your struggle is with one of your children, what are her children like? If your issue is in your marriage, what sort of marriage does your friend have? Of course we can never fully know the full depth of these sorts of things, but we can certainly get a very good idea just by observing the way a friend lives her life.

Choose someone you see as wise

I know a few of these kinds of people. They are people who just emit an aura of wisdom, poise, and grace. If this particular person is someone you’ve always admired for her wisdom, this would make her an excellent candidate to consider.

Choose someone who is further down the road of life than you are

There are times where this may be something to discard because there are those who are wise beyond their years, but generally speaking, choose someone who is a bit older than you.

Do you have someone who has shared a similar struggle?

This could make this particular person the perfect person to guide you during a time when you are so weak and vulnerable. If you have access to someone who has walked this road before, you are very lucky.

Choose someone who will be honest with you

You don’t want to choose someone who will just agree with you. You want to choose someone who may help you weigh the decision you have to make with discernment, taking into account the negative options of the various choices you face. Choosing someone who will tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly is a very good thing.

Choose someone you can be transparent with

Choose someone with whom you don’t feel like you have to pretend. Choose someone you can let the skeletons out of the closet with, someone you know will protect your heart, and someone who will guard the information you share with them.

Choose someone who has your best interests at heart

Interestingly, not all friends do. Some friendships can be clouded by envy, deceit, or a whole host of other emotions. Choose someone who truly wants to see you thrive in life.

Choose someone who knows a bit about the others who may be involved in your situation

Are you struggling in your marriage? Choosing someone who knows a bit about your spouse would be helpful in this case. Sometimes we can be self-absorbed when it comes to dealing with problems, so an objective friend who knows a bit about all parties involved is a huge asset.

There really is nothing more valuable than a friend who can left you up when you feel weak. Use these concepts to choose the friend who will be able to help you best.

The thoughts shared in this post were inspired by a chapter in The Best Yes. This is a book that were are reading together as a community beginning February 22nd, 2016. We are reading just three chapters a week in this book.

inspirational reads

Even if you are not reading along with us this time, you can still pick up your own copy and gain the wisdom you need in making wise decisions in the midst of endless demands.

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands

Here is a bit more about our book club…

This book club is a way of encouraging others to carve out the time to read at a pace of just three chapters a week because I’ve learned that finding time to read never just happens on its own.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday there will be blog posts here with Monday’s Inspirational Reads somewhere in the title with my reaction to each of the three chapters for the week, and then on Thursday evening at 9 pm EST we will be on Periscope discussing the chapters in an interactive format. You can find everything you need to know about Periscope by reading The Periscope Lowdown.

All you have to do is grab your book above, and you’re good to go! We’d love to have you join it, otherwise, grab your own copy and read any of the posts with Monday’s Inspirational Reads in the title and you can join in on your own time!


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