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Why You Want to be the Cool Mom (and how to do it)

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Have you ever thought about whether you want to be the “cool mom?” If not, I am here to tell you that you do and to show you how to do it, too.

As parents our job is to give our children both roots and wings, as the old saying goes, which basically means that it is our job to train, guide, and protect them while also preparing to set them free. This doesn’t just happen all on its own, though, but with some intentional living, you can be well on your way.


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One of my goals as a homemaker is to create a home that is both a haven and welcoming to my family, but also to others as well.

While creating a home that is a welcoming haven is my goal, I also have a busy household filled with many people already, which makes keeping a tidy home (something I also like) a bit of a challenge with just the people who live here.

I am also a bit of an introvert at times because I like my personal space and require a certain amount of quiet and calm in my day at a few different points. Keeping noise to a reasonable level can be difficult, but it is possible even in a family of my size.

If you were to look up the word,” hospitality,” you most certainly would not see a picture of me because of the reasons above. It’s hard enough for me to maintain these natural bents that I have to a certain extent with a family of my size, but it gets even more difficult when additional people come into the picture in my home for any extended period of time. I always envy those who are blessed with the gift of hospitality because I feel it truly is an invaluable gift.

Although opening my home to my kids’ friends and being the “cool mom” extinguishes these needs of mine for the time they are here, I have learned the incredible worth in being the place that my kids and their friends want to be.

Despite being an introvert with a to-do list a mile long, I have also come to realize the value in being the cool mom who sometimes takes my kids and their friends to the places they want to go for no real reason other than they just want to go there. Think of places like the mall or the arcade, and then you will know just what I am talking about.girls-377661_1920

But doing these things makes me a cool mom, and here is why we both want to be the cool mom. 

Kids who have a mom whom they feel connected with, understood by, confident in, and proud to call their own experience the following positive effects, and this list is by no means complete.

  • they have a higher self esteem
  • they have a better view of their body image
  • they suffer with less depression
  • they are more likely to forgo smoking, drinking, or using drugs when compared to their peers who do not feel that connection
  • there are fewer who suffer with eating disorders
  • they are better able to give and receive love
  • they have a stronger work ethic
  • they have better communication skills and are more willing to communicate
  • they are more likely to fulfill the expectations of those in authority
  • they are more likely to establish a healthy, connected family of their own
  • they are more likely to be generous with their time, talents, and resources
  • they are more likely to be a part of the world around them rather than someone who is withdrawn

Are these things that sound good to you? Me, too, but how do we do this?

  • We talk to our kids about their friends. We know who their friends are, and we know what their friends are about.
  • We open our home to our kids’ friends on a regular basis. Yes, even if it is horribly inconvenient for us as their parents.
  • We talk to our friends when they are around, we get to know their friends, we are genuine in wanting to learn more about them.
  • We take our kids and their friends on outings whether it is to the mall or the arcade, out for activities like to the movies or to the local skate park, or at times we can take their friends along on a family outing of some kind.skatepark-405935_1920
  • When our kids are around with their friends, we are present, but we are sure not to hover or embarrass our kids. Sometimes embarrassing our kids can be hard to define, at least if they are teens, but do your best to not cross the line of being the “uncool mom.”
  • We keep up on trends. We know what our kids and their friends are listening to, what they are watching, and what kinds of things they would dream of buying if money were no object. The goal is to keep up on what’s trendy in their world so we can relate to our kids and their friends on their level when it comes to these sorts of urgent matters 😉
  • We allow our kids to control certain aspects of their lives in increasing amounts. Let them make decisions within reason, if appropriate, even if these things are inconvenient for us whether in regards to our time, our plans, or our pocketbook (again within reason).
  • We keep up with trends, to a certain extent, in how we look. Kids will judge our kids based on us, too. No need to be a diva, but we also can’t be an embarrassment because we are stuck a generation behind. We should look like we’ve done more than just roll out of bed. Hair, makeup, clothes – we need to put forth some effort.

Being a cool mom may not always be easy, but it is something we as moms should be striving for. There are countless reasons that this should be our goal, and we can accomplish this by being intentional with our kids and our kids’ friends in a variety of ways.

Are you already a cool mom?

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  1. Great post, Jennifer! Do you have any resource for where you found the information for your bullet points in this section: Kids who have a mom whom they feel connected with, understood by, confident in, and proud to call their own experience the following positive effects, and this list is by no means complete?

    I’d love to share this article in my positive parenting Facebook group, but they are pretty big sticklers about the articles having some sort of reference to journal articles or research studies of some sort. As I read the bullets, it looks like you found this information somewhere and was wondering if you’d be willing to share where?

    1. Well, if they are wanting official references, sadly, I don’t have anything more official than myself and my two older daughters because we wrote this one together by comparing and contrasting among their groups of friends. These were truly common themes we found among their friends who have strained relationships with their moms and those who don’t. Their friends who have strained relationships, or distant ones at least, struggle with body image, eating disorders, and the other things that I mentioned. Of course not every one, but the things I mentioned were represented by at least one girl in our unofficial study. These are also the girls who don’t want to have friends over. So, in a nutshell, I don’t have anything official, just life experience 🙂 Sorry I can’t help more, I have no degree in child psychology, although I was a psych major in my three years of college 😉

      1. Thanks for the reply!

        Real life is often times more relevant than research, especially for most parents who are just looking for what they can do to be a better parent. Even though this information didn’t come from any specific research study, I think that it is spot on. Most of the bullets are probably listed in some scientific research study somewhere!

        Thanks for sharing that information with me. Even though that FB group probably won’t use it without the references, I know that they would all agree with the basic premise of what you’re writing about.

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