If you have more than one child, you are no stranger to siblings fighting. Ask any parent, and they will just tell you this is a part of reality. Sibling fighting appears in a variety of shapes and sizes. But, as a mom of 9 I have found that no age is immune to them. Why can’t your kids just be friends? I’ve got a secret to help sibling fighting end peacefully. But, it’s not about putting an end to the fighting (that’s only the result). Ending sibling fights for good is about solving the sibling arguments BEFORE they even start!
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Here’s what sibling fighting looks like to us moms
Generally we as moms, we notice sibling issues because there is crying, whining, or yelling involved. This can be so much like fingernails on a chalkboard. I think I would be correct in saying that the knee-jerk reaction to these situations is just to make the noise of all the fighting and arguing to stop.
But really, all we want is quiet, calm voices
But, what if there could be an end to the sibling arguing and fighting that actually kept it from happening as often?
Wouldn’t it be a dream come true if the sibling fighting and arguing got to the point where it rarely happens at all?
You might be scared to wonder, “Can my kids actually be friends!”
As a mom of 9 I can say that all of these things are not only possible – they are possible right now!
Here’s how to stop the sibling fighting & arguing peacefully
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Let’s lay some groundwork first
Putting an end to the sibling fighting really is only the way to make the fighting end. It’s not really a solution.
Here’s the thing: when children are fighting, there is almost always selfishness at the root. This is normal. After all, we’re all born selfish, right?
But much of teaching and training our kids requires putting an end to that selfish nature that we all have.
This includes putting a stop to sibling fighting & arguing
Whenever we are focused on self, we are not focused on others. But being focused on others rather than on ourselves is a skill that we all need as adults.
In an argument, kids especially find it difficult to recognize what they did wrong.
But we all know that in an argument, each side is responsible for some of the fighting.
It takes two to tango, right?
The best way I have found to combat this focus on self is to allow the focus on self. But, not like your kids are currently focusing on themselves.
You need to shape it a different way.
Focusing on being peaceful is the first step in dealing with sibling fighting
This is where our peace chair comes into play.
These are chairs that don’t really get much use in our house. They are relatively new, and I would like to keep them looking that way.
So the act of being able to sit on these chairs is a bit of a privilege that is generally only allowed for special occasions.
A special occasion such as this.
Step one in putting a stop to sibling fighting is putting the focus on being peaceful
First, both siblings need to spend time in the peace chair individually
How much time you ask?
No set time.
The only rule is that each kid needs to stay there until they can come away and take ownership of their part in the fight or argument.
Then, each kid needs to offer a sincere apology to the other person
If they are too young for something this in depth you need to do something slightly different. In this case, they need to stay there until they are able to act in a calm way. And, they have to offer a sincere apology to the other person.
This could even mean they need to offer a hug to their sibling if they are very young.
Here’s the really cool thing.
My kids really don’t view spending some time in the peace chair as a punishment.
Honestly, it really isn’t intended to be.
The peace chair truly is intended to be a time of quiet reflection, growth, and refocusing. A time of refocusing on others rather than on themselves.
Here’s why the peace chair works
The peace chair teaches kids how to gain control of their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Once they gain control of these things, they are ready to be peaceful.
And peace will put a stop to the sibling fighting – often before it even starts!
This is how to create a peace chair in your home
Now that you know how to handle the sibling fighting or arguing, let’s talk about how to create your own peace chair or corner.
First, make your area or chair feel peaceful
In most cases, the things that make you feel surrounded by peace and calm will do the same for your kids.
This is why we have a candle that I will light -as long as it is safe with little kids being watched.
Soft music is also a nice touch. Something calm and relaxing, of course.
Whether it is something like Enya or simple piano music, I find things without much in the way of words to be the most soothing.
In our peace corner, we also add flowers.
Second, keep a basket of supplies within reach
In this basket we keep a couple of notebooks and pencils or pens for journaling or coloring. There are also a couple of Bibles appropriate for various ages.
Plus, we have some children’s books on appropriate topics that deal with things like loving others, being content, sharing, or speaking kindly.
You most likely already have a couple of these kinds of things on hand.
This is also where the sibling love coupons come in handy. We print these off and always have them in the basket of supplies.
I don’t require my kids to fill these out, but I certainly encourage it.
For younger kids, I help them fill them out by asking them what to write. Then, I write it. Finally, I have them color a picture for their sibling on the back.
Grab your sibling love coupons below!
Here’s why this matters
I think as moms we could all say that one of the things we would love for our children, is to be friends with their siblings.
We want for our kids to want to spend time together long after we as their parents are gone. Nothing breaks my hear more than siblings going their separate ways once the parents are gone.
Instilling a time of refocusing on others while encouraging true forgiveness during a sibling fight is truly the only way to have peace in your home with siblings.