Dear Mom Who is Trying to Use the Phone

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Dear mom who is trying to use the phone,

Did that get your attention? Does this apply to you? Me, too. It is amazing how this works.

Just the other day I saw one of those funny memes that said something to the effect of…want your kids to be quiet while you’re on the phone? Good luck with that!

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Oh my goodness. Isn’t this woman on the phone hilarious?! I don’t know about you, but I always look like that when I’m on the phone. Actually, I always look like that in general!

Whenever I need to use the phone, which I rarely do during children’s waking hours, I find that I need to follow a rather extensive checklist to have any luck whatsoever at hearing the person on the other end. If I don’t, I find that the moment I get on the phone the noise level in my home reaches epic levels and there is usually blood involved somewhere. This is one of the world’s strangest phenomenons for which I have no explanation.

I am so thankful for voicemail, email, and texting since for the most part I can still keep in touch with someone whom I need to speak to without actually talking on the phone. This is one of those times when I try to imagine how I would ever manage without these conveniences. My kids do get a hoot out of the times that I try to explain what things used to be like back in the day when the phone was connected to the wall, when you only had the mobility of how far that cord would reach, and when if you really needed to speak to someone who wasn’t home you sat at home and waited for them to return – dialing their number again and again.

I was the first one in my childhood home to get the first answering machine, and I remember my really cool friends who got a party line or call waiting. My kids always get a good laugh when I try to explain how things were in the “olden” days.

That being said, if the phone is necessary during the day this, is the routine that I generally follow. Maybe it will help you if you find yourself in the middle of WWIII when you are on the phone.

• I tell my kids straight up that I will be using the phone, and they will need to be quiet
• I give them an approximate time that I will be on the phone, although there really is no way of knowing these days
• I provide them with an idea of what they can do during that time, and we reach an agreement of some sort about it
• I separate the kids who tend to irk one another since it’s prime time to do this when mom is on the phone
• I offer some sort of reward (bribe, I’m not ashamed to say I bribe my kids at times) if they abide by whatever behavior I have clearly spelled out
• They repeat back to me what is expected and I ask if anyone needs clarification of any kind
• When every off the wall question has been asked and answered, I find a room to go into with a closed door and do my best to be as quick as possible.

This method is not without hiccups, but I do find that it is helpful to cover all the bases as best you can in a proactive way. Even if half of these things are followed, I find the outcome to be way better than if I just pick up the phone and start talking to someone.

While we can’t possibly cover everything that could surely arise while we are on the phone, spelling out some basic solutions to problems can be helpful at times, too.

If you are a mom who tries to use the phone on occasion, try some of these tips the next time you’ve got a call to make.

Am I alone in this battle to use the phone with kids around? What do you do?!